One Track Mind…   Leave a comment

Have You Ever Lost One Thing While in Strong Pursuit of Another??

As you lay back in bed alone thinking back over your life and what you have in comparison to what you had or what you have in comparison to what you could have. Residing momentarily in regret as you try to figure out what happened and when exactly did it happen. The young lady that chased an education and neglected the love she had or the young man that chased his career and didn’t notice his lover slipping away. How often do we make love secondary thinking it will always be there, thinking it’ll wait around for us?? How often do we take loved ones for granted thinking they will always be there, thinking we can overlook and mistreat them and they will deal with it?? Why are we so single minded that we believe it has to be one or the other?? Why can’t you be successful at giving yourself to multiple areas??

 

Like I’ve said before, “God Is Love”, so it saddens me, a great deal, when people feel they can and will live their life in its entirety without the experience and or those that feel they are so blessed that they will continue to receive love only to maltreat it. Why are we trading love, substituting love, leaving love when it is love that gets us through our hard times, its love that gives us the strength necessary to push forth and do what it is that we do so well. I hope that love one day becomes as relevant and as prevalent as its opposite, hate…

Posted May 2, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized

The Question…   Leave a comment

Marriage…

(The Conversation)

 

Question I was Asked…

Is being in love enough of a reason to marry someone??

 

My Reply…

What other reason is there?? Let me share something with you; I’ve been in relationships where I thought I was in love but when true love found me I realized I had never been in love. I just had love for particular people for particular reasons. When you’re in love you love them for no reason and for every reason at the same time. I can do for myself on every level, so when I was planning my wedding it was purely out of the love and adoration I felt for him and the love and adoration he showed that he felt for me. So, I ask you, Is it Love?? Because Love is more than enough to get you through! Everyday wont be perfect but love humbles you so that you both can/will willingly admit your wrongs and make them right. God is Love! Since when did He become not enough for us??

 

A Reply (We will leave the Individual Anonymous)

Jae, I get what you’re saying, but what happens when you fall in love with the wrong person? All that feels good to ain’t good for you abusers, addicts, etc.

 

My Thoughts…

You have to first love yourself! If you don’t love you it is impossible for you to love anyone else. If I love me why would I continue in a hazardous relationship?? Love is giving, kind, understanding, trusting, respectful and the list goes on and on. How could you love me and abuse me?? That’s Not Love! How could I think I love you and you mistreat me?? The same way a person has fell in love with the lies of who they thought that man/woman was, is the same strength they need to use to move on. I must also say, what makes a person think its love if lies were involved?? What makes them think its love if they were trying to change an individual?? Love and Lies don’t go together and if you’re trying to change a person it’s not them you love it’s who you want them to be, which is basically a fairytale you have fallen in love with. Because when you love a person you love all of them, flaws and all you may not like some thing’s they do or say but you love them nonetheless and a part of that love is acceptance of who they truly are at that moment. It is possible for me to love my mate but not like the way he lacks rest and works continuously, but it is not possible for me to love me and love my mate and he beats me near death. Which leads me back to my original statement, “When it is True Love You’ll know it and one of the clues is, it won’t be that complicated!”

Posted March 20, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized

N’Spiration…   Leave a comment

Shouldn’t I as your mate N’Spire you?? Shouldn’t I push, promote, challenge and celebrate you?? If I am your significant other shouldn’t I be your biggest cheerleader, shouldn’t I believe in you, shouldn’t I be your unfailing support system?? When the world has beat you down shouldn’t I as your Queen build you my King up with love, honesty, adoration and respect?? When others don’t sustain and believe in you as well as your dreams, goals and visions isn’t it my responsibility to be that force of belief that gets you through that storm and out on the other side victoriously?? Shouldn’t I as your partner cover you in prayer and keep you lifted up as you challenge the world on a daily basis?? Shouldn’t I work to make things easier on you, not harder?? Shouldn’t I try to cease foolishness not welcome it into our relationship?? Shouldn’t I as your lover feed you when you’re hungry, rub you when you’re sore, listen when you need to vent, assist you when you’re overwhelmed, lovingly correct you when you’re wrong and make love to you when you’re concupiscent?? As your woman shouldn’t I keep children and fools out of our relationship?? Shouldn’t I respect what’s private and protect the innocence of the love that we share?? I know I should and this is my truth that I share with everyone.

 

Why are there so many failing marriages, so many deteriorating relationships, and so many unfaithful couples?? One reason is because we often forget what our truth is, what we silently signed up for when we decided to commit to this committed situation. Without knowing my husband I know my truth, without knowing his truth I know and stand firm on mine. Before getting to know one another, I know who it is I am alone and who I am with him as well. This is a problem I think some suffer from when getting into permanent situations with temporary people; you need to know and love you before you can extend love to another human being. So many are in love with the thought of having love that they allow themselves to be mistreated, used, abused, neglected, etc. for the sake of saying they have a mate. While those responsible for the maltreatment do it purely because they don’t love themselves, because when you love you, you want the best for yourself and how can you give yourself the best when you’re breaking your “God Sent” best down, mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. I can’t love a man truly love a man and I knowingly, daily break him down, calling him less than a man, I can’t love him and abuse him, etc. love and hate can’t reside in the same place.

 

Another reason things fail is because people lie, they lie about who they are (So people Never know who they are Really Getting) they lie about what they do, what they like, and what they want all to make their mate believe they have a bond that is closer than what it is. They lie about sexual prowess, size, experience, drive, and libido. They lie about income, status, position, etc. Only to be in a ten-year relationship and figure out they are nothing alike…

 

Be with who you are meant to be with, Not who you are comfortable being with; Life is Too Short to Spend it being Unhappily Married!!

 

Much Luv,

Mz. Jae

Posted February 27, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized

Successful…   Leave a comment

 

“A Beautiful Woman” is something I have had the pleasure of being called by those that were moved by the physical attributes that God has blessed me with. Mrs. Eleanor Lee Felton Stanton (My Great Grandmother) raised me and she was a firm believer in beauty fades but an education cannot be stolen, doesn’t diminish and will not be overlooked. Can you tell me what a young girl that is referred to as pretty throughout her life longs to one day be addressed as?? Intelligent. Why?? One is because pretty (natural beauty) is not in anyone’s control I was formed in my mothers womb and this is because of no one but our higher power which means really I have no real right to even say, “Thank You.” To the compliments given because I am thanking someone for someone else’s work. Two because intellect is something that an individual works for, no one human will ever know everything but it is very unattractive for an individual that is offered everything in the form of knowledge to not know anything.

 

I began life in a private school “Tiny Tot Town” located in the West Loop area I went there till second grade that’s when my parents could no longer afford the tuition so the duration on my education or lack there of was taken from the Chicago Public School System. My Grannima was my unwavering support system, if I said I wanted to fly to Mars she would have been my motivation to do so, nothing was unachievable in her eyesight. I started out wanting to be a pediatrician, I made it a goal and I focused on being called Dr. Pettigrew, until my life took an unforeseen turn, “New Jack City” in Chicago, dreams were shattered and I turned to writing because my pen and pad were the only two that didn’t judge my thoughts, my fears, my feelings, my dreams, me.

 

Momma, I said, that’s what I use to call her, “You remember the day when I wrote that piece for Ray funeral and you said I should consider making my writing public because my poetry was absolutely amazing??” “Of course!” she would reply back to me and I would then feel free to say to her, “I want to write.” “You write already,” she said. I took a moment to collect my thoughts and reply better, “Okay, well I want to be a New York Times Bestseller!” “How are Prince and Michael Jackson both megastars when they have to compete for majority of the same audience??” she said. I went deep into thought, that’s what she brought out of me and when I came out I said, “Because people recognize truth and they are always being true to their audience and themselves through their music, their fashion and their writing.” Her rebuttal, “Never forget that! Be true to you! Always! People will not understand your work because they don’t truly understand you, who you are, where you come from, what you survived and those people you must leave them where they are. You write to free yourself and for those that need your words to free or be true to themselves! Keep God First and everything else in your life will find it’s Order!” She then proceeded to challenge me, “People write the way they talk so from here on out when you talk to me I don’t want you to enunciate and I don’t want to hear the repetition of any words. If you need to say the same thing I need you to find different ways to tell me, an expanded vocabulary is an expanded mind and you’re too naturally quick-witted to not be knowledgeable!” There I Began with the only thing that I was sure of in life, writing with a New York Times Bestseller goal in mind.

 

What equates success in your mind?? The screams of people yelling your name over the expensive well produced beats that you take days to lay the most outlandish lies imaginable upon?? Or maybe it’s scouting like an agent in hopes of finding a successful man and trapping him like Charlotte in a web of lies with hopes that he will propose without a prenuptial before the truth begins to rip through your web like hot bullets through the flesh of innocent victims?? Is it, going to school until you have more letters following your name than the amount of letters it takes to spell your name and as you define yourself by who and what people call you can’t even see how they look at you because of the debt your student loans has you lying under. But it’s all for the success factor right because when you finish you’ll get that wonderful job that you hate that will allow you to make payments that won’t put a noticeable dent in those lovely interest rates. I haven’t come up your block yet?? Wait one more scenario before I close, this may be you! You’re working hard to make ends meet so when you and your so-called friends meet you look like you have it all together. You rock’n Red Bottoms and your babies shoes have holes in the bottoms, you’re at Gibson’s paying four hundred dollars for a meal for two but you don’t have four hundred dollars tucked away in a savings, money market, or some type of an investment account, you have a $2000 car note but you don’t own the house/condo you reside in. Or maybe you believe it’s fly to look down on and not help those that are less fortunate, not knowing you’re one bad decision away from being in the exact same situation they are in. Success isn’t measure by the people you step on and leave for dead to get to the top, it is more so measured by the people you assist and the ones you pick up from the dead and push to the top because they are the ones that will be here telling your story and if your story and the rest of those in the world story of you doesn’t match who do you believe the people are listening to??

 

What is success to me?? Waking up every morning and doing what I eat, sleep and breath for a living and then when the day is done I go to bed and I can/will have a beautifully peaceful nights sleep because I don’t owe anyone and I didn’t hurt, use, step on or mess over anyone to get to where I am…

 

Can you Really handle success??

 

Much Luv,

Mz. Jae

Posted February 14, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized

Loyalty…   Leave a comment

As I sit aggravated holding the phone next to my ear listening to her play by play of his actions that seem to be getting worse by the second I wonder when the story will come to an end. Unfaithful, petty, arrogant, no integrity having liar were his new traits that he had kept hidden for the entirety of their relationship so we’d decided he would be referred to his truth from this day forth. A true friend of mine, I was upset like what he did had been done directly to me, but it hadn’t, I just cared that much about my girl so that what hurt her hurt me and what angered her, angered me. What’s our next step?? What do you need from me is my position, I’m a resolve kind of person, I don’t just talk about it I do it and if I’m not going to do it you won’t catch me talking about it. “I just want to be done with him!!” she says, no contact, no nothing. So I have his phone number blocked on both the house and cell phone as well as his e-mail addresses. Heartbroken but ready she set herself up to move forward past the pain.

Do people really know and apply the definition of the word Loyalty to their life anymore?? I’ll answer that for you “Hell No!!” The real question should have been; when did the break down of truly loyal people to the loyalty actors occur?? When did it go from I’ll leave my mate before I consider betraying them, to not only will I betray my mate but I will do it with a woman/man that they are close to (i.e. friend, relative)?? And I missed it when it became okay to go from I’ll die with the secrets of my friend buried inside of me to I’ll betray my friend and regurgitate their information with an individual that is considered an enemy?? When did people become so loose lip and when did it become the norm?? Am I the only one aggravated, is no one upset or disturbed the actions of the people today??

In a relationship if I can’t put all my love and adoration into you, give you all the time that I have allocated for relational things and enjoy all my thoughts, dreams, goals, fantasies and realities with you then why am I with you?? Who the hell wants to love Jim, sleep with John, talk to James, have fun with Jessie and be romantic with Jovan?? It’s too much, pretty soon people start to look the same and names begin to sound the same, and lack of sleep or over intoxication has caused you to incorporate your confusion in conversation. Now Jim wants to know who John is and why he’s on your mind instead of him and if you’re with them both, why?? Why not be with this John that’s residing in your psyche?? Now you’re defensive because you got caught when you weren’t ready to be, because you were haughty enough to believe you wouldn’t be. You’re not even considerate enough to have an appropriate explanation for the wrong you were doing. And he has had a fresh encounter with his insecurities, which he now has to mask with arrogance. Instead of loyal and real you two now exist in a lie that makes sense to no one that’s outside of what occurred. They say were fine, when really they are the acronym Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic & Emotional headed into a new relationship with an unsuspecting person that they will infect with F.I.N.E. Where’s the Loyalty??

In a friendship, why would I be less that what I expect from you and if I am then why would I label you a friend?? Why not an associate, co-worker, etc?? If I know for a fact I don’t like you for whatever the reason why would I pretend?? What comes from a camouflaged war?? Disappointment, Heartbreak, Headache and War Wounds is all it truly accomplishes. You began this relationship with impure intentions and what happens to suppressed jealousy it soon becomes a bottled soda that has been shaken too much for too long, it then explodes on you verbally maybe even physically. Says and or does some things that you really know in your mind that you shouldn’t have but your emotions overpower your better judgment leaving you with a situation that today you regret. I’m curious as to why you would set yourself up to fail, why do it to yourself?? If you are a believer in Karma then you know what you give out will return to you, why would you want that type of energy searching the world for you?? Where’s the Loyalty??

The Familia, Blood is Thicker than Water. I’m Laughing outrageously as I type those words. Family knows your life; they know what you’ve been through, they know how strong you truly are which makes envy so easy for them. They know how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are, they know nothing came easy to or for you and they want what you have, they also want it to come easy to them which makes jealousy so easy for them. They also know your past, things you’re not proud of, things you regret, things you didn’t complete and instead of having grace they have an un-forgetting spirit and when a joyous moment for you presents itself they find a way to work in your past failures which makes it easy for them to depress you. They should support your dreams, push you towards your goals, help you with your accomplish and your aspirations right. Wrong, they’re upset they didn’t complete the things they wanted to do with their life and since they didn’t and they know you are adamant about not being what’s considered normal and going after your dreams this makes it easy for them to crush, not support and make light of yours! Where is the Loyalty??

In life we come across disappointments, heartbreak, and less that desirable moments and people, you can trust that roadblock after roadblock is going to pop up doing there job which is nothing more than trying to stop you. We have to develop a acceleration paddle within us an inner inspiration that allows us to speed up and mow down the nonsense! You are smarter than your enemies, while they study you and try to come up with new reasons to dislike you; you’re out studying your craft, making provisions for your vision and working towards making your name great, which will come to pass. You are also a lot stronger than them, you’ve been through more in your life than they could fathom and you’re still rolling like the energizer bunny because where they would have threw in the towel is where you took your second wind! Do not second-guess yourself, do not question your call and for the Love of God do not allow your haters to win! You’ve got it in you, just be persistent in your push to persevere!

Much Luv,

Mz. Jae

Posted February 5, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized

Words…   Leave a comment

 

Love, Hate, True, Fake, Loyalty, Dishonor, Integrity, Gritty, Faithful, Whore… Not real big on words anymore, I’ve heard so many, different times, different people, different lines or should I say different lies, when I was up, when I was down, when it was beneficial for them and when it really didn’t make a bit of damn difference. I heard words, words with action, words without action; words with adverse action (The complete opposite of what was said was done) and words with get by (Doesn’t lack enough to be considered a lie, but not what was said). From a naïve little girl to a educated young lady to an operating in discernment grown woman, I have heard words from people that I yearned to hear, that I couldn’t believe I was hearing and that I wish I never heard.

 

I began to become numb as a child when adults unknowingly began to crush my dreams. When a relative that was strung out would promise to come pick me up and take me to the most fascinating place a little girl knows, the playground, I’d be beautifully dressed in my baby boutique attire, a supercilious, bright eyed, oblivious little girl. Wanting, wishing, hoping, needing, all unfulfilled emotions sad but these were my humbled beginnings so early on I knew disappointment and I was not a fan so I obtained a defense mechanism. Which was seemingly free of charge, it wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized I paid an ultimate price numerous times by keeping individuals at bay. True I did frighten off those that didn’t deserve my time and love but I also missed out on good relationships with family, friends, etc. because I could not make myself feel I’d went too long without sentiment.

 

Why don’t people think before they speak I wonder; why have to come back minutes, hours, days, weeks later and have to say “I’m Sorry”?? Wouldn’t it be easier to take a moment and ponder how would this effect me if it was said to me, then if it’s cool say it or if not reword it until you’re okay with it. Misguided souls that believe it is okay to have diarrhea at the mouth and when they notice their words have changed their relationships they try to go back and apologize about the things they’ve allowed to escape their lips but by then it doesn’t matter. Especially to a person like me, I’m honestly sick of hearing I’m Sorry; it’s a weak person’s copout for being a childish firecracker that can’t control their verbal emotions. Don’t tell me “I’m Sorry” just to get back into the good graces in which you once resided, because if you don’t truly know how you were wrong, what exactly made what you did wrong and feel in your heart that it shouldn’t have taken place, guess what, it’ll occur again, sooner than later.

 

Then one day I woke up and I was tired of living my life without ardor so I forced myself to go from one extreme to the other and it was like at that very moment in my life I became the asshole magnet proving my non-emotion having theory to be one of relevance. I would hear “I Love You” more than I care to even recall, the phrase was thrown around more than the red lace panties that belong to the woman of the night. You don’t even love you how could you possibly love me?? Do you truly know what Love is?? God is Love and you say you don’t believe in God so how could you believe in me, in us, in love?? Your words speak one language while you actions talk to me in another and I’m not bilingual so I have to go off of what I know and what I know is Love doesn’t hurt. “I Did My Best!” Really?? Well what honestly would you not trying look like?? Truthfully I just want to know because the BS you’ve given, shown, expressed with me is not equivalent to that, that should come from a very well capable adult. Not being judgmental, being realistic so please don’t give me the, “It may mean nothing to you but for me to do this is a big deal, script.” Because truth be told I can’t give brownie points to someone doing something they should do anyway and then on top of that they do it in a manner that is less than stellar. “This is the first time I’ve ever been faithful!” he says like I should be moved. Dude in a monogamous relationship between two consenting adults you are suppose to be faithful what do you want from me. Don’t tell me you tried, you gave, you did your best when really you didn’t what you did was do enough to get a passing grade in that class of your life and at a certain age, at a certain time in your life you should want more than a “C” in life. And just before I could say “FTW!!” I came into contact with “True Love” a Love that is Unconditional, a Love that makes you respect the word and its true meaning!

 

Much Luv,

~Mz. Jae

Posted February 4, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized

How It All Got Started…   Leave a comment

Base from Luke’s Pop that Coochie rattling the trunk of the cherry red model dated the same as the year it was drop top that strolls through my neighborhood. The Glorified Drug Dealer well known in the Bronzeville district long before it was called The Bronzeville Area, he would drive down the block slowly with the kids dancing to the music like it was an outdoor concert. He stopped and pulled over the ice cream truck to buy all the children on that block whatever they chose. Loved by the children, Adored by the women, Hated by the competition and Admired by the Up and Comers.

 

Syrup sandwich or ramen noodles my only choice, screaming loud but I was too little to have a voice. Crack was an epidemic so I wasn’t the only child hungry women selling food stamps to get high, children starving going to their grandparents house to get by. I needed candles to light the house that Comed felt it was okay to darken. Domestic Violence was damaging behavior that I say regularly growing up on 43rd the Low-End is what they called it. My friend raped and murdered and left in an abandoned garage a witness to outrageous acts of rage while I was still in grammar school. Molestation was a frowned upon act in the light but done to little girls and boys in the dark. Items of value that were purchased for me by those that loved me were no longer safe around those that loved me. My home that was sacred became dangerous; I was a target for money owed and/or promises broken. Writing to ease the pain, writing so I can release the blame, writing so I can make it through life, writing so I don’t apply pressure and go from ear to ear with the knife. I didn’t go to school for this, it’s Gods Gift.

 

Patti LaBelle “On My Own” way to early to be, to much to look back at so I decided then Never Live, Look or Go Back! I didn’t move to Beverly Hills, so of course the struggle began, Harvey to Douglass to the Gold Coast to University Park to Bronzeville to Wrigleyville and I’m not done this is my last move and I’ll be satisfied with this purchase but it has not been as simple as me listing these areas. Oh no, I have pain so deep that it is still residing in every edifice and lessons I learned in all of my localities are still with me, but it all collectively made me the woman I am today so can I complain?? Yes but where and/or what would it get me?? That’s why I’m not a complainer, prefer to be grateful and I know that this next comment will make the atheist in the world very aggravated with me so I would like for you to stop reading here. (Side Note – You have to first acknowledge an entity in order for your statement of disbelief in that entity to be relevant, but that’s a whole other conversation.) I’m grateful to God that I didn’t break under the pressure, I didn’t kill myself or someone that wronged me, I didn’t slip into that thin line area that exist in between sanity and insanity, I didn’t turn to substance abuse of any kind, I didn’t become satisfied with just getting by. I used my past to fuel my future and I’m glad that I’m still here with a voice that allows me to help those coming behind me with some of the same issues.

 

My heart bleeds for the kids they need a real activist not someone acting like its about them when it really isn’t. Education isn’t up to par; teaching is a job not a life altering industry. Preaching is a job not a ministry, Non-for-profits are not doing it for the people they are out to make a profit. Correctional facilities are not correcting anyone, they are angering our people and sending them back out into society. Homeless would rather live on the streets than sleep in the shelters because they aren’t really providing shelter. What happened to the leaders, is it fear that’s preventing the next Malcolm X from speaking out or do we just not give a damn about anyone but ourselves?? Barack is one human being doing his best not a God, sent to rectify the world with his Presidency. Why can’t we assist him instead of sitting back talking waiting on him to do all the work and then take credit??

 

When will the babies be looked at with love and not disgust, when will they be cared for instead of judged. When will someone stop and ask them if they’ve had a full meal, a warm bed, a safe place to lay their head instead of writing them off, as misguided ghost that ruin society?? We are the way we are because of what has occurred in our lifetime, because of the lack of mentors, the inconsiderate ignorant preset role models, the me, myself and I mentality of people in the world. Matthew 7:1 Judge not lest ye be judged. Don’t judge me especially seeing that you don’t know who I am, where I came from, what I made it through nor where I’m headed to…

 

Much Luv,

~Mz. Jae

Posted February 3, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized

My Faith Restored…   1 comment

 

 I knew in my heart that true love existed, I had examples (Rev. Run and Justine, Barack and Michelle, etc.) and beyond my examples I had faith that in this world people who belonged together were revealed to one another and allowed to prevail in a substantial relationship for the duration of their life.

 

Not the duration of their love because true love lasts longer that our existence; this is only my assumption and I come to this conclusion because God is Love and if that be truth then Love holds the existence of God which is “Gye Name ~ Except for God.” (No one that has seen the beginning will see the end and no one that will see the end saw the beginning, except for God.) With that understanding of God I believe it is safe to say God/Love is eternal. So then when you truly love an individual your love will withstand any situation, circumstance, finance, etc. even life and or its opposite death.

 

With that being said I can get back to the origin of this letter; looking from my twentieth story window I would imagine in my heart what life would be like with a soldier by my side. With the man designed to love me the way I am, but he’d love me in such a way that I would want to be better than I am. Still flaws would be present because no one is perfect but I would strive for perfection because I would love him so much that I would only want him to have the very best in life. A man that knows it takes way more than a penis to be qualified to carry that title, a man that believes integrity is mandatory and fidelity is obligatory. A man that believes love doesn’t make him weak but it makes us strong, a man that will support me when I’m right and teach me when I’m wrong. A man that is not insecure when it comes to my career, a man that will help me get over my past that has caused an emotional fear.

 

I knew that somewhere looking at the same stars, sharing the same moon, this man was alive longing, needing and looking for me but why couldn’t he find me. Did I miss my husband wasting time on my boyfriend?? Was I too focused on other things to see who was right in front of me, or was he not in front of me?? God where is this man that is destined to save me from myself?? I think too much it’s been thirty-four years a plethora of first dates, six long-term relationships and ten proposals that never lead me down the aisle. Maybe this is just what I want maybe it’s just my heart making feel like it should happen when in reality it shouldn’t. Because people live long lives never falling in or feeling love and after all I did feel it once and it was magnificent even though I only had it for ninety-days I had it so who am I to be so greedy.

 

Maybe it’s time for another young soul to have that experience and maybe I can use my experience to teach the youth what love is and is not because when you don’t have anything to compare it to sometimes you feel what you have is love when it really isn’t. Again I say if God is love and God does not bring/give pain or sorrow then why should/would love?? I can be happy totally complete just my writing, my organization, my family and my God, right?? Hell No!! And those that tell you that story should be ashamed of themselves for lying with a straight face. Every human desires love, adoration, support, etc. from the mate that is specially designed by God for him or her so what makes them so different?? Nothing!! Neither was I and as my heart unconsciously called out to the heart of the love of my life he eventually heard my cry and came to rescue me from the depths of despair. He came and instilled the Hope in all other dreams that I had, he brought a Joy that is only seen by my soul. He awakened my heart that laid dormant under my breast for years he gave it a reason to beat again.

 

He reminded me of being a very young child, when I would request exclusive, expensive things from my parents for Christmas. Six or seven I’d say I want three cabbage patch dolls, Barbie, her house, her husband Ken and lots of clothes to put on them. Then after it was said and done I’d sit and ponder to myself trapped in thoughts way too perplexed, too long and too deep for me but I’d reside in my thoughts anyway. That’s too much money; my parents can’t buy all that! I should’ve said cheaper things or less things that would have made it easier on them and I wouldn’t be disappointed. I tossed and turned worrying about what would occur when I woke up and walked to the living room and looked under the Christmas tree. Up just after the sun a sandy haired, bright eyed little girl I ran like a track star in my pajamas to see what was under the tree and I saw Everything I requested, Everything, yes love, Everything! Emotional, Joyous, Overwhelmed I thanked God as I do now daily for the restoration of my faith in things that I now know for a fact can and will occur. I just needed a reminder because every believer has a season of non-belief and God closed the door on that season for me! I now have the faith of a six year old that has no worries and trust her parents to gift wrap the world and leave it under the tree for her…

 

My challenge to you my family is to “Keep Your Faith, Keep Believing and Never allow the Naysayers or even Yourself to convince you that what you feel and know in your heart to be true isn’t!!” You can have whatever you say; if you only Believe!!

 

Much Luv,

~Mz. Jae

Posted January 31, 2013 by MzJaeL in Uncategorized